How to help a friend

If you notice that your friend or roommate is acting different than normal, we encourage you to look at these self help tools or tips to help a friend.

For a life threatening emergency, click here for available resources.

You can also refer someone to the The CARE Team or Consultation, Assessment, Referral and Education team by

Suicide prevention tips

  • Remain calm.

In most instances, there is no rush. Sit and listen. Really listen to what the person is saying. Give understanding and active emotional support for his or her feelings.

  • Deal directly with the topic of suicide.

Most individuals have mixed feelings about death and dying and are open to help. Don't be afraid to ask or talk directly about suicide.

  • Encourage problem solving and positive actions.

Remember that the person involved in emotion crisis is not thinking clearly; encourage him or her to refrain from making any serious, irreversible decisions while in crisis. Talk about the positive alternatives which may establish hope for the future.

  • Get assistance.

Although you want to help, do not take full responsibility by trying to be the sole counsel. Seek out resources which can lend qualified help, even if it means breaking confidence. Let the person know you are concerned, so concerned that you are willing to arrange help beyond that which you can offer.

Helping a Friend With Anxiety

If someone you care about has been experiencing anxiety symptoms, you can be a valuable resource. There is often tremendous shame associated with anxiety. If you talk candidly with the individual regarding your concerns for their well-being, it will often bring the problems out in to the open. Emphasize that your primary objective is to convey concern and provide assistance. You can also always consult with a mental health professional yourself if you are concerned about how to talk with your friend.

Intervening with an anxious friend

  • Be empathetic and understanding.
  • Don't minimize the severity of anxiety symptoms.
  • Avoid critical or shaming statements.
  • Encourage coping strategies which don't rely on avoidance of anxiety-provoking stimuli.
  • Challenge expressions of hopelessness.
  • Don't argue about how bad things are.
  • Don't become angry even though your efforts may be resisted or rejected.
  • Advocate for treatment of anxiety.
  • Consult with a mental health professional if an anxious friend refuses necessary treatment.

Helping a Depressed Friend 

If someone you care about is struggling with depression, you can be a valuable resource. A depressed individual can be emotionally withdrawn, isolated, lethargic, self-critical and sometimes suicidal. If you talk candidly with the individual regarding your concerns for his or her well-being, it will often bring the problems out into the open. Emphasize that your primary objective is to convey concern and to assist them in receiving appropriate, professional help. If the person expresses thoughts of suicide, but refuses to seek assistance, you can also refer someone to the The CARE Team or Consultation, Assessment, Referral and Education team by 

Suggestions for Intervening With a Depressed Friend

  • Be empathetic and understanding.
  • Don't try to "cheer up" a depressed person.
  • Avoid critical or shaming statements.
  • Challenge expressions of hopelessness.
  • Empathize with feelings of sadness, grief, anger and frustration.
  • Don't argue about how bad things are.
  • Don't insist that depression or sadness are the wrong feelings to be experiencing.
  • Don't become angry even though your efforts may be resisted or rejected.
  • Advocate for their recovery from depression.
  • Seek consultation if a depressed friend refuses necessary treatment.